When you have a child, everyone is overly eager to share their oh so wise and unsolicited parenting advice. Some is solid and some just makes you shake your head in disbelief. These are examples of the latter.

“Dab some whiskey on his gums to soothe teething pain. Put a little in a bottle too if he’s crying. It’ll help him sleep.” Thanks but I don’t need my baby’s gums to be 80 proof nor do I want to oh I don’t know, kill him!

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Just let him cry it out.” He was only 3 months old.

“Smoke weed to get rid of morning sickness.” Maybe your mom ingested a little too much green while you were in utero because you’re clearly lacking both brain cells and good judgement.

“Stop holding him. You’re going to spoil him!” FYI, it’s impossible to spoil a newborn.

“Sleep while the baby sleeps.” Riiight. Are there housework fairies to come care for my cat, do the dishes, laundry, cooking, vacuuming etc.? I didn’t think so.

“You can leave him in the car if you’re just running in and out. Just park close and leave the AC on.” You do realize you just told me to leave my newborn unattended in a running car on a summer day?

“When he gets into the biting stage, you bite him right back so he knows what it feels like.” That’s like me saying, “Damn it didn’t I tell you cursing was bad?” See what I did there? 

“Just let him have what he wants. It’s so much easier if your kid likes you.” Uhhh no. I’m a mother, NOT a friend. My responsibility is to love and care for them, not be their pal. If my kid doesn’t like me 95% of the time, it’s probably because I’m acing this parenting gig. 

I mentioned in conversation that sometimes changing my son was liken to wrangling an octopus. She told me “Spank him because that’s the only way he’ll learn to be still and behave.” Spank a 4 month old? What is wrong with people? Not to mention it is clinically proven that spanking is linked with numerous negative outcomes, but I won’t open that can of worms.

What’s the craziest parenting advice you’ve ever received?